he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
