Screwed.edu
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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