Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
