Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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