i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
