Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize