It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
