Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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