Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
