i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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