i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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