I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
