Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
