Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
