you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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