can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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