thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My vagina is officially offended.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
