I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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