I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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