He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
