I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
