I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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