Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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