I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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