if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
