I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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