everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND