i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"