Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
