I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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