I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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