you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
