So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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