Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
