Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
