Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
