We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
did you just send me my own nude
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
