I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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