You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
