I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
