And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
