I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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