im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
