I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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