remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
