I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
