one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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