just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
