"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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