Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
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To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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