so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
