We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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