Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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