I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
