You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
