How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
