sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
