i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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