He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
