I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
