i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
